Report: Trump Once Defended The Size And Shape Of His Penis To A Senior Staffer, Because He Considered That A Normal Thing To Do

After five years of books about Donald Trump, it might seem like there is truly nothing left to say about the 45th president and his time in the White House. We know he‘s insane. We know he’s corrupt. We know he thinks Hitler shouldn’t be judged by that one genocide, and that he told Mike Pence they wouldn’t be friends anymore if the VP didn’t overturn the election, and that top generals were worried he might to start a nuclear war. Could there really be anything else? Any stones unturned? Any further insight into what went down during his time in power and, terrifyingly, could happen should he somehow win a second term? And incredibly, it turns out the answer is yes. There are a few details we’d been spared but which will now and forevermore be burned into our psyches regarding, among other things, his genitalia and “Cats.” And yes, we do mean the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical based on the 1939 poetry collection Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot. 

These anecdotes come to us via the forthcoming book I’ll Take Your Questions Now, authored by former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, who also served as Melania Trump’s chief of staff. While Grisham has the distinction of having never once held a briefing with reporters, for which she deserves our scorn, she worked in various capacities for the Trumps from the 2015 campaign to the 2021 insurrection and thus saw some stuff. For instance, Trump in a meltdown over Stormy Danielswriting in her memoir that his penis was “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small,” and: “He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.” Which led to this scene on Air Force One, according to the Washington Post, which obtained a copy of Grisham’s book:

Trump behaved inappropriately with Grisham, too, she wrote — once calling her from Air Force One to assure her that his penis was not small or toadstool-shaped, as the porn star Stormy Daniels had alleged.

Elsewhere, we learn that Trump aides treated the president of the United States like a small child or adult with advanced dementia, who could be soothed by his favorite songs. Except they weren’t played via an iPhone or piped through the White House sound system but by a guy who, by the sound of it, followed Trump around the West Wing like some kind of piano-playing ghost in a haunted house. Per the New York Times:

At one point, she writes, Mr. Trump’s handlers designated an unnamed White House official known as the “Music Man” to play him his favorite show tunes, including “Memory” from “Cats,” to pull him from the brink of rage. (The aide, it is revealed later, is Ms. Grisham’s ex-boyfriend. She does not identify him, but it is Max Miller, a former White House official now running for Congress with Mr. Trump’s support.)

Yes, Cats. He’s truly a man of exquisite tastes, isn’t he? Other revelations from “I’ll Take Your Questions Now” include, allegedly:

  • That Trump cuts his own hair with “a huge pair of scissors,” a claim we can believe;
  • That at a meeting between the POTUS and Vladimir Putin in 2019, Trump told the president of Russia, “I’m going to act a little tougher with you for a few minutes. But it’s for the cameras, and after they leave we’ll talk. You understand,” which we can also believe;
  • That Trump “became obsessed with a young, female press aide” and “constantly asked where the aide was during press events…and allegedly once requested that she be brought to his cabin on Air Force One so he could “look at her [behind]”;
  • That aides had to lie to him about loaning Air Force One to George H.W. Bush’s family after he died because “dead bodies, death, sickness — those things really…creep him out.”

And that Melania Trump hates her husband just as much as everyone thinks. Per the Post:

The airing of Trump’s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels is what “unleashed” Melania Trump to start publicly contradicting or ignoring her husband — trying to embarrass him as he had embarrassed her. She walked into his first State of the Union address arm-in-arm with a handsome military aide Grisham had hand-selected because, Melania said, the floors of the Capitol were too slippery. “I laughed to myself because I’d seen the woman navigate dirt roads in her heels,” Grisham writes.

And when Grisham drafted a tweet for Melania requesting privacy, saying she was concentrating on being a mother, wife and first lady, she had Grisham remove the word “wife.” What the scandal didn’t unleash was an emotional reaction. Grisham wrote that Melania Trump didn’t believe her husband’s denials of the affair, but essentially shrugged it all off:“This is Donald’s problem. He got himself into this mess. He can fix it by himself.”

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