CABO SAN LUCAS—In a show of support for the bride-to-be who had asked them to stand by her side on her wedding day, a bachelorette party confirmed Friday that they’d spent a combined $6,000 to end up hating each other. The party, which consisted of the bride’s six closest friends, all spent over $500 on round-trip plane tickets, $700 on a three-night stay at a resort, and over $600 on additional dinners, drinks, and activities just so they could get into protracted arguments with one another, grit their teeth, and silently calculate which bridesmaids they would harbor a grudge against for the rest of their lives. Although the bridesmaids had not previously met, each was willing to foot the bill for expensive boat rides, cocktail classes, and three-course meals all so they could build a simmering resentment that would bubble up at the end, causing one bridesmaid to call the other a “stupid bitch” and then spend the rest of the weekend forcing a smile, hiding her tears, and repeatedly lying to the bride by saying she had the best weekend of her life. At press time, many of the bridesmaids reportedly went into debt, borrowed money from their partner, or worked a second job just to show up on the wedding day and reckon with the mess they had all made.
The Onion Reviews ‘When Harry Met Sally’