PENBROOK, WA—Risking her life so that she might protect the promising young generation placed in her charge, brave local teacher Amanda Twilling reportedly rushed a mass shooter in her classroom Friday to save the life of Steven Citterton, a student she was trying to sleep with. “I wasn’t going to let a strong, beautiful boy like Steven be gunned down, not before I had a chance to hook up with him,” said Twilling, who suffered multiple gunshot wounds but survived the attack on her 10th-grade geometry class, in which she often required Citterton, 15, to stay after the bell had rung so she could get closer to him under the guise of providing him with extra help. “It was a split-second reaction, but I did what I had to do. I decided all those days of wearing low-cut blouses and leaning over Steven’s desk to show him how to do his proofs weren’t going to be for nothing. The good news is that he really feels like he owes me now, so it should be easy to manipulate him into having sex with me.” Twilling went on to acknowledge that her recent decision to stop sleeping with the shooter, a student she was sexually abusing up until last week, may well have been what inspired him to get a gun and go on the killing spree.
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