Politixia
LOS ANGELES—Spitting into their palms to cement the deal, Nick, Joe, and Kevin Jonas reportedly made a tree-house pact Friday to divorce their mean wives and marry each other. “Everything was so much better when it was just us Jonas boys, and that’s how it should always be,” said newly separated Joe Jonas, slipping a Funyun onto his brother Nick’s ring finger and whispering, “Brother, you’re my wife now.” “We don’t need any gross, mean girls making everything complicated—we’ll just live in our cool tree fort forever and ever and have mom bring us snacks. What else could we need? It’s settled, I’m officially sending Sophie’s lawyer this sign that says ‘NO GIRLS ALLOWED.’ Well, except Mom, but she has to know the code word to enter. Now let’s practice kissing like we used to.” At press time, Kevin was seen sobbing and threatening to tattle to their mother after neither of his brothers wanted to marry him.
