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What To Know About ‘Quiet Quitting’

What To Know About ‘Quiet Quitting’
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“Quiet quitting” is the new buzzword sweeping workplaces across the country, although the issues it really reflects can be confusing. The Onion answers common questions about the “quiet quitting” phenomenon.

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2 / 11

Q: What is quiet quitting?

Q: What is quiet quitting?

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A: Entitled employees trying to drive their companies to financial ruin by deliberately doing their jobs.

3 / 11

Q: In what types of jobs are people quiet quitting? 

Q: In what types of jobs are people quiet quitting? 

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A: Every single one that can get away with it.

4 / 11

Q: Is this really a new thing?

Q: Is this really a new thing?

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A: No, but there’s a snappy name for it now.

5 / 11

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Q: Aren’t people who quiet quit just lazy?

Q: Aren’t people who quiet quit just lazy?

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A: Yes, and many are so profoundly lazy they take on second or third jobs to quiet quit as well.

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Q: How can a manager tell if their employees are quiet quitting?

Q: How can a manager tell if their employees are quiet quitting?

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A: There will be a significant increase in employees sitting at their desk wearing sunglasses with open eyes painted on them.

7 / 11

Q: Is quiet quitting a form of passive revolt against a capitalist system that expects employees to work unpaid while employers contribute not a penny more than agreed upon? 

Q: Is quiet quitting a form of passive revolt against a capitalist system that expects employees to work unpaid while employers contribute not a penny more than agreed upon? 

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Q: How can companies make employees more dedicated to their work?

Q: How can companies make employees more dedicated to their work?

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A: Raises, healthcare, paid sick leave, vacations, and equity are obviously all off the table, but have they considered bi-monthly Zoom parties?

9 / 11

Q: Are there quiet quitters at The Onion?

Q: Are there quiet quitters at The Onion?

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A: No, The Onion respects work-life balance and does not expect its reporters to toil more than the minimum 168 hours per week.

10 / 11

Q: Does it mean I’d have to spend more time with my family? 

Q: Does it mean I’d have to spend more time with my family? 

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A: Oh, you can quiet quit them too.



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