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Boeing Employees Explain Why They Refuse To Fly In Boeing Aircraft

Boeing Employees Explain Why They Refuse To Fly In Boeing Aircraft
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Boeing’s reputation has suffered serious damage following several high-profile equipment failures, including a door panel detaching during an Alaska Airlines flight. The Onion asked Boeing employees whether they would fly in a Boeing aircraft, and this is what they said.

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Mandy Smith, Manufacturing Manager

Mandy Smith, Manufacturing Manager

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“I have seen the things I have seen. I have done the things I have done.”

Janet Brown, Quality Engineer

Janet Brown, Quality Engineer

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“I’m not flying in an aircraft held together by its paint.”

Gavin Todd, Engineer

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“Why, are you wearing a wire?”

Henrietta Rios, Operations Analyst

Henrietta Rios, Operations Analyst

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“Would you fly a plane that your coworkers built?”

Rich Conroy, Assembler

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“I forgot to put landing gear in one of the planes, but I don’t know which one.”

Peter Loftus, Pilot

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“The driver’s-side door handle broke off, so now you have to climb in through the window, which is super embarrassing if you’re with a girl.”

Nicolas Alchin, Structural Analyst

Nicolas Alchin, Structural Analyst

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“I feel safer on the human-sized pneumatic tube I built from my house to Cleveland.”

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Dave Calhoun, CEO

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“I actually can’t remember whether any of my private jets are Boeings.”

Jason Clark, Duct Mechanic

Jason Clark, Duct Mechanic

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“The wings don’t even flap.”

Daniel LaFew, Human Resources Representative

Daniel LaFew, Human Resources Representative

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“I’m too tall to fit in the seats. That’s all, really. And maybe I’ve laid off too many people.”

Ed Staverson, Assembly Technician

Ed Staverson, Assembly Technician

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“Years ago, you’d see one or two planes a year leave the factory without landing gear, and you’d shrug. But these days, it’s like every other plane, and I don’t like those chances.”

Julia Crockett, Software Developer

Julia Crockett, Software Developer

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“Just a quirky love for doors on planes.”

Derick Robinson, Engineer

Derick Robinson, Engineer

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“I have a strict policy against dying where I work.”

Leonard Moreno, Project Manager

Leonard Moreno, Project Manager

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“I prefer the majesty of rail.”

Josh Mantooth, Engineer/Softball Coach

Josh Mantooth, Engineer/Softball Coach

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“I refuse to fly in a plane made by the same idiots who went winless during our company softball team last season.”

Ben Kelley, Procurement Agent

Ben Kelley, Procurement Agent

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“I fly Spirit, where you’re more likely to be killed by a passenger.”

Declan Sullivan, Structural Engineer

Declan Sullivan, Structural Engineer

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“They just don’t make duct tape like they used to.”

You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…



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