Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout

WASHINGTON—Accusing the physician of not being straight with the American people, an often hostile Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee this week interrogated Anthony Fauci over the origins of a pie he brought to a recent cookout. “You previously stated that you baked the pie yourself from scratch and yet here, under oath, you refuse to list a single ingredient,” said committee chair Sen. Rand Paul (R-WV) in response to Fauci repeatedly invoking the Fifth Amendment to avoid answering questions regarding whether he had used his grandmother’s recipe or had, in fact, purchased a pre-made graham cracker crust. “Early on in your notes, you say that you can’t wait for the gang to try your homemade strawberry rhubarb crumble at Nancy’s barbecue. But later on, you state that the pies at Whole Foods can be almost as good without all the fuss, and it’s not like you’re skimping on quality all that much. So, I ask you again, Dr. Fauci, where did this pie come from?” Committee Democrats thanked Fauci profusely for his contribution to the cookout and reminded those watching from the Senate gallery that, if not for him, there’d be nothing but Gregg’s burnt oatmeal cookies.

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