BREAKING: If Harry, Meghan Going To U.K., Then Heck, Rest Of America Going With ’Em!

WASHINGTON—Swarming the nation’s airports as they rushed to board any available transatlantic flight, the U.S. populace decided Monday that if Harry and Meghan were going to the U.K., the rest of America was going with ’em. “Sure, it’ll be a big adjustment, but then again, what’s the point of staying in this country if you can’t share it with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex?” said Allen Hardy of Grand Rapids, MI, one of the 340 million Americans who hurriedly threw a couple of sweaters in a suitcase and abandoned their homes in hopes of reaching Great Britain as quickly as possible. “The airport expressways are jammed for thousands of miles, but I’m hoping I can catch a cruise ship or even a cargo vessel or something. All I know is, I’m not gonna let Harry and Meghan face England alone, and that’s that. I don’t even have a passport, but you’d better believe I’ll find a way around it. It’s just what you do for the people you care about. Hang on, guys, I’m on my way!” At press time, the populace of the United States had arrived in the U.K. and was told the royal couple was not currently receiving visitors.

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