‘Oh Fuck,’ Announces Belching, Groaning Bus Passenger Directly Behind Woman

CHICAGO—Noting that there were no empty seats to switch to on the entirely full bus, sources confirmed Tuesday morning that a belching, groaning passenger seated directly behind a local woman had announced, “Oh fuck.” Reports indicated that the passenger had spent several minutes prior to his proclamation clutching his stomach and muttering, “Please oh please God let me make it to the next stop,” before letting out a pained yowl. Eyewitnesses described a sour, rancid odor filling the air as the passenger hunched over and supported his weight against the back of the woman’s seat and tilted his open mouth directly toward the back of her head. At press time, horrified onlookers were heard frantically urging the woman to duck.

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