Energy Drinks: Myth Vs. Fact

Regulators around the world are cracking down on energy drinks, citing serious health risks associated with high levels of caffeine and sugar. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding the popular beverage.

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MYTH: Excessive consumption can lead to depression and even suicidal thoughts.

FACT: You can’t aim a gun if your hand is vibrating.

MYTH: Energy drinks have been linked to sleep disorders.

FACT: The new Bang Chamomile packs an extreme burst of soothing, sleepytime energy.

MYTH: It’s unsafe to mix energy drinks and alcohol.

FACT: That drywall in your apartment isn’t going to punch a hole in itself.

MYTH: Coffee is safer, natural, and has existed since early human history.

FACT: Many ancient civilizations would chew the leaves of the sacred Rockstar tree.

MYTH: You need a Monster to get through this shift.

FACT: Tyler just called out, so grab two.